[00:19.21]The year moves on without you in it
[00:25.88]Now it is fall without you
[00:31.41]I had to close the windows and doors without you coming through
[00:38.16]I kept them open for as long as I could
[00:44.31]But the baby got cold
[00:50.64]I watched the calendar bulldoze
[01:08.91]This whole past summer was a lingering heat wave
[01:14.60]And I remember late August, our open bedroom window
[01:20.18]Going through your things with the fan blowing
[01:23.68]And the sound of helicopters and the smell of smoke
[01:28.09]From the forest fire that was growing
[01:31.11]Billowing just on the edge of town where we used to swim
[01:36.85]They say a natural
[01:38.79]Cleansing devastation burning the understory, erasing trails
[01:44.01]There is no end
[01:46.68]But when I'm kneeling in the heat
[01:49.18]Throwing out your underwear
[01:52.01]The devastation is not natural or good
[01:56.15]You do belong here
[01:58.92]I reject nature, I disagree
[02:04.09]In the hazy light of forest fire smoke
[02:07.56]I looked across at the refineries
[02:10.58]And thought that the world was actually constantly ending
[02:16.75]And the smell and roar of the asphalt truck that was idling just out the window
[02:22.60]Tearing up our street
[02:24.50]I missed you, of course
[02:29.32]And I remember thinking the last time it rained here you were alive still
[02:36.12]And that this same long heat that I was in contained you
[02:42.29]And in this same heat I open the window next to you
[02:48.75]On your last morning
[02:51.98]So you could breathe and then so you could ghost away
[02:59.49]And now so the room will hopefully
[03:07.27]Stop whispering
[03:14.40]The grind of time I'm not keeping up with
[03:20.54]The leaf on the ground pokes at my slumbering grief
[03:27.19]Walking around severed lumbering
[03:35.94]But slowly sovereignty reasserts itself
[03:45.98]I don't want it though
[03:51.88]And betrayal winds
[03:58.87]Who and how could I
[04:04.62]Live?